edit

THE DUAL
The actors’ names here are “John” and “Jocelyn.” However, the actors should use their own names. They are portraying themselves. 
The actors arrive on a bare stage to perform a ten-minute play in a festival. They address the audience.
JOHN
Hi...Uh...Hi...
JOCELYN
Yeah...Hi...uh...this is...uh...you know...what is it?
JOHN
Well, you know what it is, it’s awkward. Do I look awkward? I look awkward, don’t I?
(directly to audience member)
Come on, you can be blunt. Do I look awkward?
(to Jocelyn, after response)
See? I’m awkward.
JOCELYN
Well, it’s an awkward situation...
JOHN
It is. It is. Should we explain?
JOCELYN
Yeah.
JOHN
Yeah...See...
(to audience, pleasantly)
We weren’t supposed to be here.
JOCELYN
Yeah...the two actors...
JOHN
We’re friends of the playwright, see, and...
JOCELYN
And the two actors who were supposed to be here for this play...well...you know...
JOHN
They...you know...kinda...you know...
JOCELYN
Didn’t show up.
JOHN
Yeah. 
JOCELYN
Seems there was an Uber mishap.
JOHN
And we were, you know, sitting out there in the audience with you and Jack, the playwright, comes up to us and asks us to...you know...
JOCELYN
Replace them.
JOHN
(shows script)
And he hands us each a copy of this script and says, go onstage and read it.
JOCELYN
I said, “It’s The Festival. You can’t just go onstage and read something cold.”
JOHN
Yeah. I said, “How do you expect us to go onstage and read a play without rehearsal or any kind of preparation? 
JOCELYN
Exactly!
JOHN
There is nothing you could possibly say that would make us risk our theatrical careers by doing that in front of the audience at The Festival! 
JOCELYN
Nothing!
JOHN
Nothing you could say. Nothing at all!”
JOCELYN
But then he said, “Well, you’re both brilliant actors.” 
JOHN
So...like...you know...what could we say then??
(Jocelyn nods in agreement)
JOCELYN
So...bear with us.
JOHN
Yes, we’ll do our best.
JOCELYN
John and I have worked together many times before and we respect each other greatly...
JOHN
Oh, we do. We do. And Joyce and I...
JOCELYN
Jocelyn.
JOHN
We kind of have a feel for...
JOCELYN
We know...each other’s...you know...we feel...
JOHN
Rhythms.
JOCELYN
Rhythms. And beats. And the most (important thing...)
JOHN
Timing.
JOCELYN
Yes. Timing. And nuance. We feeeeeel nuance.
JOHN
Oh, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt her nuance.
JOCELYN
Yes. We are muy simpatico, as they say. 
JOHN
Muy. Very muy. So muy you wouldn’t believe it.
You want a play read, you came to the right people. So...enough talk.
JOHN (cont’d)
Let’s read.
JOCELYN
Yes! Let’s read!
(clears throat, looks at script)
ONE LAST KISS by Jack...
JOHN
Wait. What?
JOCELYN
I thought I’d start with the title.
JOHN
One last who by which?
JOCELYN
ONE LAST KISS by Jack Neary.
JOHN
Uh oh.
JOCELYN
What?
JOHN shows JOCELYN the cover of his script.
JOCELYN (cont’d)
Uh oh.
JOHN
Uh oh is right. 
(reads the title of his script)
DID YOU CALL THE PLUMBER?, by Jack Neary.
JOCELYN
He gave you the wrong play.
JOHN
Or he gave you the wrong play.
JOCELYN
(with attitude)
Oh, I don’t think so. He never would have asked me to read a plumber play.
JOHN
(sarcastically)
Yeah, well, what do you have there, ONE LAST KISS? You know when I’ll do a play called ONE LAST KISS? Call Hell. Ask if it’s frozen over. That’s when I’ll do a play called ONE LAST KISS. 
JOCELYN
So what are we going to do?
JOHN
I don’t know. I just came here to schmooze with producers...
JOCELYN
Well, we can’t just blow this off.
JOHN
Probably not.
JOCELYN
(not as thrilled as before)
It’s a tradition. The Festival.
JOHN
(even less thrilled)
Yeah. 
JOCELYN
And everybody’s watching us. Look at them.
JOHN
(looks)
Not everybody. That guy’s checkin’ his phone.
(calls out)
It’s only ten minutes, pal! Relax!
JOCELYN
We have to do something.
JOHN
Okay. Well. You can look at my script and we’ll just read it togeth...
JOCELYN
Oh no. No. I’m not reading the plumber play. I’m sorry. I took a look at this script while we were waiting offstage and I’m playing a beautiful, romantic love interest. I’m not giving up this opportunity. It could mean work. Your....producers...are out there. Let’s read my script.
JOHN
(hesitant)
Uh...I don’t think so...
JOCELYN
Why not?
JOHN
Well, I mean...I was born to play a plumber.
JOCELYN
What?
JOHN
Look at me.
JOCELYN
Oh, who cares about plumbers, let’s just...
JOHN
No.
JOCELYN
No?
JOHN
No. I’m reading the plumber play. I don’t care what you do.
JOCELYN
But...I thought we were muy simpatico.
JOHN
Yeah. Not that muy.
JOCELYN
Well I’m reading this romantic play. I don’t care what you do.
JOHN
Fine. Go ahead. Read your play.  
JOCELYN
I will.
JOHN
So will I! You read yours, I’ll read mine!
JOCELYN
What?
JOHN
You heard me. You read yours, and I’ll read mine!
JOCELYN
Fine!
JOHN
Fine!
They grumble a moment, then hold out their scripts, and start to read. Each commits completely to the role being read.