THE SKY IS FALLING! (THE CHICKEN LITTLE STORY)
News Anchor “BULLETIN DOG” is on the air. As is usually the case, he is delivering a bulletin to his audience.
BULLETIN
Good afternoon, everybody out there in Barnyard Country, this is Bulletin Dog with the news. I understand we have a fast breaking story directly from the Barnyard. Our brand new Barnyard correspondent Prunella Yogurt is on the scene. Prunella, can you hear me?
PRUNELLA IS IN ANOTHER LIGHTED AREA.
PRUNELLA
Yes, Bulletin Dog, I can hear you.
BULLETIN
No need to be formal, Prunella. You don’t have to call me Bulletin Dog, you can call me by my nickname.
PRUNELLA
And what is that?
BULLETIN
Bull.
PRUNELLA
Okay, Bull Dog, and you can call me Prune.
BULLETIN
It’s Prune Yogurt with a fast breaking story! What’s going on Prune?
PRUNELLA
Well, Bull Dog, there seems to be a rumor spreading quickly around the Barnyard that...that...
BULLETIN
Yes, Prune...
PRUNELLA
That the sky is falling!
BULLETIN
The sky is falling? That’s ridiculous!
BIG BAD WOLF is walking by.
PRUNELLA
I know, Bull Dog, but that’s what I’m hearing...Wait, let me ask this Wolf if he knows what’s going on...Excuse me...excuse me, Mr. Wolf...
BIG BAD
Me? You talking to me?
PRUNELLA
Yes. What is your name?
BIG BAD
Wolf. Big Bad Wolf. My friends call me BB.
(looks into camera, smiles)
Am I on TV?
PRUNELLA
Yes. Look at me. BB, can you tell us what all the commotion is about in the Barnyard?
BIG BAD
I sure can...you want me to tell you everything?
PRUNELLA
What do you think, Bull Dog? You want to hear everything?
BULLETIN
Everything, Pruny! Everything!
PRUNELLA
(to Big Bad)
All right, then, BB...what exactly happened...
BIG BAD
Well, it started out like any other day in the Barnyard. In fact, it was my first day...I was a newcomer!
LIGHTS OUT ON Bulletin, Prunella and Big Bad. UP ON Barnyard.
COCKY LOCKEY, a rooster, comes to the center of the Barnyard. He is accompanied by DUCKY LUCKY, a little duck with a big mouth, who carries a clipboard. Cocky lets out a monstrous crow.
COCKY LOCKEY
Cock a Doodle Doo!!!!!
DUCKY LUCKY
All right! All right! You all know what that means, everybody into the Barnyard for morning inspection!
At this point, all the rest of the Barnyard critters begin to enter in various stages of waking up.
HENNY PENNY enters with her four little chicks, JENNY PENNY, BENNY PENNY, PENNY PENNY and MILDRED.
HENNY PENNY
Come along, children, it’s never good to be late for inspection!
JENNY PENNY
(proudly)
I’m always on time for inspection, Mama!
BENNY PENNY
(mimicking)
“I’m always on time for inspection, Mama!”
HENNY PENNY
Benny Penny, be nice to your sister Jenny Penny!
JENNY PENNY
(to Benny)
Mamma says you have to be nice to me!
HENNY PENNY
(mimicking again)
“Mamma says you have to be nice to me.”
PENNY PENNY
What about me?
HENNY PENNY
Be nice to Penny Penny as well.
BENNY PENNY
Aaaahhhh...
MILDRED
Mother, the more you coddle him, the more likely it is he’ll turn into a juvenile deliquent.
BENNY PENNY
Oh, you’re soooooo smart, Mildred.
JENNY PENNY
If you’re so smart, Mildred, how come your name sounds different from ours?
BENNY PENNY
Yeah, how come I’m Benny Penny...
JENNY PENNY
And I’m Jenny Penny...
PENNY PENNY
And I’m Penny Penny...
BENNY PENNY
And you’re Mildred. Why is that?
MILDRED
Come up with a rhyme for “Mildred” and we’ll discuss it.
HENNY PENNY
Now, now, that’s enough, children. Where’s your sister? Where’s Chicken Little?
BENNY PENNY
Aw, she’s still inside the coop.
JENNY PENNY
She’s afraid to come out!
BENNY PENNY
She’s afraid of everything.
MILDRED
It’s her upbringing.
HENNY PENNY
What’s that, dear?
MILDRED
Nothing. I’m not here. Ignore me.
HENNY PENNY
Chicken Little is just a little uneasy about things. We have to try to understand her. She’ll be out soon. You’ll see.
DUCKY LUCKY
(moves them along)
Come on, line ‘em up, line ‘em up!
HENNY PENNY
All right, Ducky Lucky! You don’t have to be rude about it!
DUCKY LUCKY
That’s the way I am. Write your congressman. Come on, line ‘em up!
JENNY PENNY
(steps on something)
Ouch!
(picks up acorn)
What’s this, Mommy?
HENNY PENNY
(as she places them in line)
That’s just an acorn, dear. They fall out of the trees this time of year. Nothing to worry about.
BENNY PENNY
Oh, look, she’s cryin’ about a little acorn...
JENNY PENNY
I am not.
BENNY PENNY
You are so.
JENNY PENNY
Am not.
BENNY PENNY
Are so.
PENNY PENNY
Should I get in this?
MILDRED
I can’t believe I’m related to you guys.
LOOSEY GOOSEY enters. He is a goose.
LOOSEY GOOSEY
(a hippie)
Hey, chickies, how’s it shakin’ this fine mornin’?
DUCKY LUCKY
Get in line, Goosey, this is no time to be Loosey!
LOOSEY GOOSEY
Keep your feathers on, Ducky, baby! Lighten up! You’ll live longer!
DUCKY LUCKY
Get in line!
LOOSEY GOOSEY
(as he does, to Henny)
Top of the mornin’ to you, Henny! My, you are lookin’ fine today!
HENNY PENNY
(not warmly)
Mr. Goosey.
LOOSEY GOOSEY
Don’t be so formal! The name’s Loosey. Call me Loosey! Everybody looooooves Loosey!
HENNY PENNY
(to Jenny and Benny)
Children...say good morning to Mr. Goosey.
ALL CHICKIES
(with a bow)
Good morning, Mr. Goosey!
LOOSEY GOOSEY
(to Henny)
Man, you are one strict chicken!
DUCKY LUCKY
Where’s Turkey Lurkey?
HENNY PENNY
Inside. Checking the calendar.
DUCKY LUCKY
(yells)
Turkey Lurkey! Get out here!!!!
TURKEY LURKEY appears, sticking his head out.
TURKEY LURKEY
Is Thanksgiving over?
DUCKY LUCKY
Yes! A week ago! Get out here!
TURKEY LURKEY
(getting into line)
Thank heavens! I’m just a nervous wreck every year after Halloween.
HENNY PENNY
I have a friend in the pig sty who gets the same way every Easter.
LOOSEY GOOSEY
Hey, Lurkey, how’s the snood hangin’?
TURKEY LURKEY
Oh, it’s fine. It’s fine. I just wish I knew what it was for.
DUCKY LUCKY
Speaking of pigs, where are those three little ones?
Three little pigs enter. They are PATTY, PAULIE and PEGGY.
PATTY
Here we are!
PAULIE
Good morning, everybody!
PEGGY
Let the day begin!
DUCKY LUCKY
Okay, fine, just cut the chatter and get in line! Straighten up, everybody!
DUCKY LUCKY (cont’d)
Cut the chatter! Straighten up that line!
BIG BAD enters. Henny immediately holds on to Jenny and Benny.
BIG BAD
Am I late? I hope I’m not late on my first day in the Barnyard!
DUCKY LUCKY
Not yet! Get in line!
HENNY PENNY
Oh, I don’t know why we’ve let that wolf into the Barnyard.
BIG BAD
Listen lady, I told you all yesterday...ever since Red Riding Hood retired, we’re out of work, and we’ve got no place to live. Look at it this way...my Wolfettes and I can protect you from...Foxy Loxey!
Everybody reacts with a musical gasp of fear. “Dun Dun Dah!”
DUCKY LUCKY
Hey! I told you! We don’t mention that name around here!
BIG BAD
Sorry. Just trying to help.
DUCKY LUCKY
Where’s the rest of your crowd, anyway?
BIG BAD
Right behind me...
(yells)
Wolfettes, front and center!
Big Bad’s three WOLFETTES enter, in regimental precision.
ALL WOLFETTES
HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR! HUP TWO, THREE, FOUR! HUP TWO, THREE, FOUR! HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR! HALT, ONE, TWO!
(they halt)
WOLFETTES PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR, SIR!
BIG BAD
Sound off!
ROSS
Wolfette Ross reporting, sir!
CHANDLER
Wolfette Chandler reporting, sir!
JOEY
Wolfette Joey reporting, sir!
LOOSEY GOOSEY
Far out!
DUCKY LUCKY
Get in line with your boss, there!
ALL WOLFETTES
Yes, Ducky Lucky, sir!
(and they do get in line)
HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP! HALT ONE, TWO!
DUCKY LUCKY
I like those guys.
SWIFTY enters. He is a pig wearing sunglasses, in a sport coat. He also wears a phone headset. He enters talking.
SWIFTY
I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a big story. We got wolves livin’ in the chicken coop! You gotta run with this. TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood--they’re gonna gobble this stuff up!
(to Turkey)
No offense.
TURKEY LURKEY
None taken.
DUCKY LUCKY
(to Swifty)
Come on, Swifty! Get in line for morning inspection!
SWIFTY
(to Ducky)
With ya in a minute...
(into headset)
Whatdya mean, nobody cares about those wolves? So she retired, so what?
BIG BAD
See? We’re yesterday’s news.
SWIFTY
I’m tellin’ ya, they’re in the CHICKEN COOP!!! Wolves in the CHICKEN COOP! Ooh! Ooh! Danger, Will Robinson! Get it????? Scared little chicklets everywhere you look.
(to Henny)
No offense.
(Henny just hugs the chicks)
Jimmy Kimmel? Can you get me on Jimmy Kimmel with this?...Okay, how about Conan at least?...Come on, Murray, cut me some slack here!
(the other party has hung up)
Aaah....I can’t break a story from this place.
DUCKY LUCKY
(to Swifty)
Get in line, Swifty!
SWIFTY
All right, already!
(he gets in line)
COCKY LOCKEY
Are we all here?
DUCKY LUCKY
Lemme see....uh....oh....no. Not yet. Henny, get her out here.
HENNY PENNY
Can’t she just stay inside this morning? She’s especially jittery today.
DUCKY LUCKY
Cocky?
COCKY LOCKEY
No.
DUCKY LUCKY
Cocky says nope. Get her out here.
HENNY PENNY
Oh, all right.
(calls gently)
Oh, Chicken Little, dear. Please come out for inspection. There is nothing to worry about. Children, help me call...
ALL CHICKIES & HENNY
(nothing)
Chicken?
(nothing)
Little?
CHICKEN LITTLE appears very, very tentatively. She is a frightened little chicken who speaks very quickly.
CHICKEN LITTLE
I don’t know. I don’t know. Looks like it might rain out there. And it being December and all, you never know, it could turn into snow. And you know what happens when it snows, don’t you? The snow freezes up and turns into ice and you go slippin’ all over the place and you could break your ankle or something...
DUCKY LUCKY
You don’t have an ankle.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Just the same, just the same...whatever it is I have down there by my claw, if I slipped on the ice, I could break whatever it is and then who knows what could happen if it...
DUCKY LUCKY
Get out here!
HENNY PENNY
Come on, dear. Stand next to me. Everything will be all right.
Very, very carefully, Chicken Little makes his way to stand next to Henny Penny. Once she gets there, she finds herself standing next to Big Bad. Ducky is looking through her clipboard.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Uh...Mom?
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Uh...this...uh...guy...here...standing next to me?
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear. He’s new.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Ah. New. I see. And, uh...Mom?
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear?
CHICKEN LITTLE
Is he a...you know...a...wolf?
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Uh huh. I see. I see. I’m standing next to a wolf.
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear.
CHICKEN LITTLE
That’s all...No big deal...Just me...Standing here. Minding my own business. Standing next to a wolf.
HENNY PENNY
Yes, dear.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Hmm.
(beat)
I’m standing next to...A WOLF!!!!!
And Chicken Little screams and runs off.
DUCKY LUCKY
Go get her!
Everybody, except Ducky and Cocky, goes off to get Chicken Little. They bring her back and put her into place, again between Big Bad and Henny.
BENNY PENNY
(to CL)
You’re embarrassing the family.
JENNY PENNY
She is not!
BENNY PENNY
Is too!
JENNY PENNY
Is not!
BENNY PENNY
Is too!
PENNY PENNY
(to Jenny)
Is not!
(to Benny)
Is too!
(to audience)
I am totally confused.
MILDRED
I think I’ll run away and join the circus.
BIG BAD
(to Chicken Little)
Listen, little lady, I got no beef with you. You have no need to be afraid of me.
CHICKEN LITTLE
Aren’t you...aren’t you the wolf who tried to eat Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother?
BIG BAD
That story was blown way out of proportion.
SWIFTY
Great story, though. Wish I broke it!
HENNY PENNY
(to Chicken Little)
Mr. Big Bad and his Wolfettes are going to protect us from...Foxy Loxey!
Another big musical gasp of fear from everybody. “Dun Dun Dah!”
HENNY PENNY (cont’d)
Oops. Sorry, everybody. I forgot I wasn’t supposed to mention that name.
MILDRED
Nice goin’, Mom.
DUCKY LUCKY
All right! Enough with the small talk. Cocky, everybody present and accounted for.
COCKY LOCKEY
Thank you, Ducky.
(clears throat)
As you all know, Foxy Loxey has been spotted lurking outside the Barnyard for over a week now...
SWIFTY
Old news. I broke that story a month ago.
COCKY LOCKEY
And as you also know, Foxy Loxey is the mortal enemy of everybody in the Barnyard.
SWIFTY
(sarcastically)
Ooh...alert the media...
COCKY LOCKEY
Swifty...if you can’t keep a civil tongue, then I’ll have to ask you to leave.
SWIFTY
I’m just sayin’, Lockey...there is NO NEWS comin’ out of this Barnyard, and if somethin’ big doesn’t happen pretty soon, I’m gonna have to go back to doing PR for Rapunzel...
COCKY LOCKEY
Swifty...
SWIFTY
And you know how useless she’s been since the haircut...
DUCKY LUCKY
All right, inspection over! Everybody get to work!!!!